You know when you send a Facebook message to a friend on Monday trying to make plans for Friday, but by the time Friday rolls around neither of you really care about hanging out anymore and don’t bother texting the other person? That’s how this episode of Mad Men felt, with the old plot lines that audiences more or less forgot/stopped caring about now becoming main story fodder once again. I understand the need to wrap things up when it comes to final seasons of great TV shows, The Sopranos actually tackled this perfectly with their 6B season, mixing the perfect amount of story closure and plot ambiguity. Mad Men, however, is in for an angry treat if it keeps digging out ghosts from the closet when it should be creating haunting new memories.
Don DraperA
Throughout the seasons of Mad Men, we’ve seen many sides of Don Draper: confident, mysterious, alcoholic, damaged, manipulating, selfish, chaotic. But today, we saw a side of Don we’ve never seen before: Don “I don’t have single shit left to give in my entire body” Draper. Megan wants more money? No problem, here’s a million dollars, get the fuck out. Silvia Rosen, Don’s former mistress/future source of endless therapy sessions for Betty Draper, enters the elevator while Don and his new flame are inside? Who gives, Don’s still having extras. Don was late for his and Pete’s tee time? No worries, there’s plenty of open fairway left on his receding hairline. But Don may have finally met his match in Diana, a mysterious waitress who has just as many ghosts in her closet as Megan does coats. Could this be the perfect woman for Don? Maybe. Will Don ever get his furniture back? Maybe not. But even if Don has to send Diana’s affections back to the kitchen, the fact that he’s IDGAF-ing all over SC&P gives him an A.
DianaB
She works as a waitress. She has a tortured history with her family back in Racine, Wisconsin. Back alleys of Manhattan diners act as a natural aphrodisiac for her. She is the most interesting girlfriend of Don Draper’s in the world. At some point, I was expecting Diana to drop a hint that her mom worked at a brothel or something and that she and Don were long lost cousins/siblings, but instead it seems like she’s just an immensely damaged, soulful person with a troubled yet intriguing past (i.e., she and Don are going to be so cute together!). For beating out all the other Mad Men babes to win Don’s heart, Diana gets a B.
Betty B
She’s going to back to school for Psychology. There’s no sarcasm here, higher education is something that can benefit many lives, and Betty deserves some recognition for her work. I wouldn’t be surprised though if that was the last we saw of her and Henry for the season.
Stan B-
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the first time we’ve had Stan in a plotline of his own? Which if I’m correct, it’s awesome, seeing how he’s one of the funniest characters on the show when Roger doesn’t have enough screen time. Stan was more or else coaxed into sexual relations by the fast-moving, predatory photographer Pima. His relationship with Peggy may just be a game to the Annie Leibovitz type, but for finally getting some plot action of his own, Stan deserves a B-.
Megan B
Don is easily the best and worst thing that has ever happened to Megan. Without Don, Megan wouldn’t have jumped from secretary to creative, and eventually to commercials and soap operas. But she also wouldn’t have had to quit her job for a faux-LA fantasy, eventually succumbing to the dog-eat-dog nature of the business and falling off the radar. Once known for her Zou Bisou Bisou, Megan has tumbled to Quid Pro Quo Pro Quo, with the only possible way to advance her career through the creepy maneuverings of Harry Crane. But Megan doesn’t have to worry about her career anymore, she has her new $1 million plus all of Don’s furniture, and for that earns a B.
Roger C
You remember that storyline of Roger and Marie hooking up from a few seasons ago? Yeah it’s back, and it’s unfortunate, because there are much more interesting things that should be happening to Roger right now than him just rehashing old love interests.
"New Business" C
New business becomes old after a while, and even though this episode attempted to inject fresh plot, it was flooded by unwelcome storylines that we thought had dried out.
Extra credit
- Syphillis! There’s been a longstanding theory online now that Don Draper is in the advanced stages of syphilis, hence the hallucinations, and Marie’s subtle remark “it’s a wonder you don’t have syphilis” to Megan only reinforces that. I don’t know where this would lead to if true, but it looks like this theory will only spread futher from here.
- Blenders! I recently purchased a new blender and love it, so it was a thrill to see it used in this episode.
Demerits
- Where’s Jim Cutler? Dude was the primary antagonist of last season, and now it’s like he isn’t even part of the office.
- What do Marie, Arnold and Silvia all have in common? They haven’t been seen on Mad Menfor two years now, which illustrates how ineffective the half season is. Here are three characters who we essentially forgot/don’t care about anymore, now making a final bow before they disappear for good. Mad Menhas always been a slow burn, and you can’t break a cigarette in two, hoping that the second half will still be as fresh a year later.
- Wasn't quite sure if this was extra credit or a demerit, but we could have easily had a scenario where we never learned Diana's name, which would have made her the waitress, similar to the one from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Imagine the fan theories we could have concocted form there!