Try.

“We are not executing anyone. Don’t ever suggest it again. That kind of thinking doesn’t belong here.” - Deanna

It used to be that Sunday would roll around, and I’d eagerly count down the hours until The Walking Dead came on and gave me a new episode. Now, I force myself in front of the TV and prepare to sit through an hour of artsy, unintelligible wide shots, vague threats that all too often make no sense, and five-minute-long cold opens, where literally not a single word of dialogue is uttered.

This week was no different, giving us a pointless search for Sasha, Carl’s tween date in the woods, and Rick’s slow slide into that crazy apocalypse guy ranting on your local street corner. Riveting.

Daryl

CReal talk here. Did Norman Reedus specifically ask for less screen time or something? Not only has he barely mattered to anyone this season, he’s had like two episodes total where he took part in a major plot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m eager to figure out what he ‘W’ walker insignia is all about, but… not that eager.

We all know Daryl is a fan favorite, so why the hell has he been pushed to the background for Season 5?

Rick

B+Welcome to crazy town. Literally.

Rick might not last long in Alexandria, now that his nonsensical obsession with Jessie has led him to attack her wife-beating husband. It really seemed like this subplot could not get any more Lifetime, but they outdid themselves yet again. Next thing you know, Jessie will grab the kids in the dead of night, take off for parts unknown, and become a world famous jazz singer with a tragic past. Vomit.

I was totally cool with Rick's hostile takeover bit until he became a nutter covered in blood, waving a gun around and screaming THE END IS NIGH. I wouldn't want that guy living in my city either to be honest.

Jessie

FSurprise, surprise, Jessie had another thinly veiled, romantic moment with Rick. Did anyone think maybe it was time for Carol to go have a talk with Jessie? You know, one victim of abuse to another? No? Okay, let’s go have her super violent love interest chat her up about killing her husband instead.

Don’t worry, her two-dimensional dick of a husband picked a fight with Rick and nearly got himself killed. Just in case you didn't hate him enough.

Sasha

DSnooooooze.

Seriously why did we waste 15 minutes on that crap?

Carl & Enid

A & A

"It’s their world, we’re just living in it.” - Enid

These two are damn adorable. Even if they contribute nothing to the actual plot.

But let's be honest, that hollowed out tree was possible the WORST hiding spot in the world. I kept waiting for their romantic tension to be broken by a walker hand reaching in there and pulling them out to their death. Not to mention... does anyone else remember the last little girl who thought messing with walkers was fun? Watch yourself, Carl. 

Carol

BOn a more serious note, I know I’m critical of Carol and her ‘murder first’ way of life, but I actually have to appreciate how much she’s both evolved and devolved. Touching on her past abuse with Ed, you have to remember how timid and submissive she used to be. A lot of people praise her for coming so far, but I actually think she’s passed the point of ‘survivor’ and moved right on to ‘aggressor.’ It’s a great dynamic to see in her because you always hope women who come out the other side of abuse will pull themselves up and become strong women. But Carol blew past that marker somewhere in Season 4, and she’s only gotten dark and darker since. 

I’ll be interested to see if she reins it back in, or if her aggressive tendencies end up getting her killed one day.

Michonne

AThis girl's characterization has been on point. From her hope for Alexandria to her struggle with hanging up the sword to her sudden turn on Rick, I've loved watching Michonne's arc in this back half. It was clear, concise, and it made sense, which is more than I can say for just about everything else on the show. Now that Michonne has clocked Rick and seemingly chosen Alexandria's side, we'll see what kind of part she plays in the finale. Could she have turned on Rick for real?

Try

C-The confrontation in Alexandria that's been teased for the past five weeks is finally coming. I think. Really, this has been the slowest hostile takeover in history, so they could drag this shit out to next year.

Looking back on Season 5 as a whole, I have to call this one of the weakest seasons of The Walking Dead ever. We had subplots that led nowhere, too many characters to focus on, deaths that made no sense, and a whole lot of just... nothing. Seriously, do you guys remember that episode whose sole premise was to distill a bottle a water? This is not an exaggeration. 

The 90 minute season finale could turn things around  - that's right, we get a whole extra thirty minutes to watch the group talk and talk and talk about a takeover - but The Walking Dead has been known to pull off some pretty great twists at the end of the season. 

Extra Credit

• Whoever tied that chick to a tree to be zombie food would get along GREAT with Carol.
• Did we ever learn if Daryl was straight? He's been spending a lot of time with Aaron... that's all I'm saying.
• As boring as Sasha's side plot was, it gave us the opportunity to see three badass chicks who don't need no man killing walkers left and right.

Demerits

• We need more of Julian from One Tree Hill
• The 'W' thing better get explained next week or I'm going to roll my eyes so hard
• Hey look, Jessie got ONE line of dialogue to someone other than Rick. Hurray! And then she promptly got slapped for it. *sigh*