Gayle: "Yarnville. It's like Cirque du Soleil but with cats."
Never has a bottle episode allowed characters to travel so far! When Linda grounds the kids for an unmentionable reason, Aunt Gayle gets to choose one kid to take as a date replacement to a cat acrobatics show called Yarnville. Translation: the chosen one gets released from prison and Gayle gets to feel less like she is going to die alone. With the taste of freedom in their mouths the three compete to tell a tale that will make Gayle happiest while also taking revenge against their mother/warden. All of them contain Scott Bakula and all of them are wonderful. Who wins?! Let's find out!
Gayle
Tina, in "Lady Chatterteeth's Lover": "Gayle, can you please pass me the bread?"
Gayle, as her sister: "I'm sorry... I cant. I'm too shy."
Megan Mullally's voice and animation are a match made in heaven. Never has a cat lady been so human and so real. Maybe too real, especially when a man named Stacy-- not to be confused with Seth Rogen's Male Stacy in Broad City-- stands her up, but sometimes reality is brutal. Gayle's ability to utilize her nephew and nieces to write Scott Bakula fan fiction for her is disturbing, yet genius. She is quick to compliment each Belcher for his or her creative uses of Scott, yet drops them even faster when Stacy shows up ready for all the cat acrobatics they can handle. Yes, Gayle is an aunt, but she is a hot-blooded woman first and foremost. Gayle isn't afraid to admit what she wants, even if that means leaving 20 messages for Male Stacy at his mother's. Gale got hers, and in the process was the impetus for some amazing fantasy writing. A solid (very, very desperate) woman, and for that we salute her!
Gene
Gene: "Wait, men can be named Stacy?! I love America!"
The weakest story of the night was saved for... first. This poorly structured country ballad does fall in line with Gene's own erratic thought process and random outbursts; however that still doesn't make any of his song lyrics nor Linda and Gayle's singing more enjoyable. Gene does indeed know how to cut straight to his mother's core by replacing her stand-in character Lindette as Gene's singing partner with Gayle's story alter-ego "Gayle." We know Gene can write amazing songs, and with those standards the musical component of his story brought Gene's grade way down. Even if they used a rattle snake as musical accompaniment.
Tina
Tina, on Gayle's attractiveness in "Lady Chatterteeth's Lover": "Her shins go on for inches."
With this story, sister writers Lizzie and Wendy Molyneux reached the core of what Tina is in her own deepest self: a fan of literary, sexually repressed romance who still can't ignore a good butt. So basically your average middle-school-aged girl. Not only was the story coherently structured, but the details Tina included that made it her own were ingenious: from helping the war effort by sewing up the pants of men who had been shot in the butt, to rating Gayle's beauty as "what you would call a ten." Additionally, each and every detail alluded to a different period piece, best of which being the Sense and Sensibility double-wedding ending between Gayle and Scott and Tina and Jimmy Jr. Tina borrowed from enough greats to still make an amalgamation all her own that still kept Gayle's happiness in mind, and for that she'd be the one I'd take to Yarneville any day!
Louise
Louise, on who will go: "You have to let us compete for it! To the death!"Bob: "No, no, no death, Louise."
If you ever wanted to see an animated, cat-themed Sparknotes version of Game Of Thrones, now's your chance. George R.R. Martin practically deserved a writing credit for Louise's installment of last night's trilogy. However, certain charming adjustments saved her from any infringement issues. Westeros became Cateros. White Walkers became White Talkers that could bore you to death with mundane conversation. Every animal had the head of a cat. Yet, the best joke of Louise's story actually existed outside of it, when Bob realizes his youngest daughter has been sneaking in episodes of an off-limits tv show.
"The Gayle Tales."
With so many episodes in a season, it's always refreshing to have one that goes so far off the beaten path! Yes, the reason for grounding the kids in the first place was anti-climactic, but in the end it didn't much matter what the catalyst was for seeing these stories come to life. What mattered was that we got to see the Belcher children in all their weird glory and they were fantastic.
Extra Credit
- Bob's minor characters in each story show how his children really view him: for Gene he's a bar fly, for Tina an English gentleman, and for Louise he's Hodor.
- The cat dragons!
Demerits
- Gayle giving male Stacy a second chance.
- Bob being left alone in the restaurant at the end. Bob never wins.
Episode Grade Points:
3.66667