"I never thought I'd say this, but I think I know what's going on in your head." - Ben"Oh, well then welcome to the Terror Dome." - April
April and Leslie set off on a business trip to Washington where their goal is to convince every single famous politician ever (John McCain? Madeline Albright? Are these people Parks fans? I hope so.) that national parks are the best place for full moon werewolf transformations. Or at least that's what I understand. In reality, April just needed to get Leslie alone so that she could quit — and hopefully not end up being drowned in the Potomac "while Leslie recites facts about the Potomac," as April said.
Meanwhile, Andy and Ben and Ron set out to find April her dream job, as has been a major goal until this point in the season. Honestly, it made me miss the days of Chris Traeger. I have no doubt he could have solved this problem ages ago with his freakish enthusiasm and healthiness and advice from his therapist.
Did I mention Madeline Albright is in this episode? How?
April & Leslie
"Has anyone ever told you that your tenacity is intimidating?" - John McCain"Every month of my life since fourth grade" - Leslie
So April has to tell Leslie that she is diverging from her five-year plan and, just a reminder, Leslie is the same person who called 911 when April said she was getting rid of her bangs. April skips her "Memorable Rain Gutters of Washington Walking Tour" to make things right with Leslie, and Leslie can do nothing but encourage her, of course. It's so nice to see a two-way relationship between these two, because it's typically just Leslie showering April with love and April messing things up.
It turns out that both women will be taking new jobs — Leslie's will require her to move to DC as well as take 40+ weeks of classes that require extreme note taking and a confirmation hearing — which is basically her dream job. At the end of last season, Leslie was kicking and screaming about the possibility of leaving Pawnee, and now she thinks it will be easy for her to split her time between the two cities. How do you do that with triplets? I'll be interested to find out. Or not find out, because it's seeming more and more like a big move from Pawnee is on the horizon.
April finally finds her dream job — working for the job service people that Leslie sets her up with. She says her dream job is telling people what to do and sending them far away. That's funny because I thought it was working with animals, but I mean, her dreams can change if that's what the Parks writers think is best (said with gritted teeth.)
Before taking the job, April asks Leslie if she thinks its a good idea first, and Leslie basically implodes. Will all the characters hug before the season ends? I should be keeping a hug chart. Or make a hug bingo board. If you get five hug pairings in a row, you have to spray an entire can of whipped cream in your mouth a la Leslie Knope.
Ben, Ron & Andy
Ron can't get April a job because whatever his company does, she's not passionate about. We do find out that
he has quite a few brothers, who he sends away at the first inkling his friends might find out about them. Is he ashamed of his family? No. His family didn't even know he worked for the Parks department. He's just secretive. In the best way.
Ben, Ron and Andy are now tasked with having to find April a job when her resume is just a signed photograph of Alf. Andy does what Andy does and dons an April mask (Where can I get one? Are they printable? I'm basically a fountain of promotional ideas, Parks people. Call me.) and detonates quite a few explosives, thus terrifying one of April's best job prospects.
It's back to the accounting firm for Ben and, for once, it's not to beg for a job then immediately turn it down. Oh wait, what's that you say? That's exactly what happens? Honestly, my heart hurts for that poor man who loves Ben and his math puns so much. He needs to protect his heart and be more 1989 Taylor Swift and less Red.
Mrs. Ludgate-Dwyer goes to Washington
"I love you very much and that's why I’ve decided not to turn you into a sea urchin, which I could do because I am an actual witch with powers and I am evil and hate everything."- April
I don't like the idea of April growing up because I feel like this means I will have to grow up, but I'm glad she found a new job in this episode. I'm glad everyone loves April so much even though she has done almost nothing to deserve it from them. That's not to say I don't love April — she's an incredible and special character — but she's kind of evil. I guess when your boss is Leslie Knope, she can find some way to love everyone, and it's contagious.
Extra Credit
- "We got a whole list of things you need in a new job: Apple juice, barbecue sauce, Count Chocula…no wait, sorry, that's a list of new nicknames I want people to call me." - Andy
- Ben's math puns, including "Does she compound your interest?"
- "Do you mind if I borrow your hat? I just want to throw it up in the air victoriously." - Leslie
- Craig telling Donna that he does not compare people to Mary J. Blige lightly.
Demerits
- When will Ben's old accounting boss finally be happy? I'd like to see some sort of Ben replacement before the show ends. A calzone-loving math pun champion who has his roots planted firmly in mathematics and not politics.
Episode Grade Points:
3.33333