Edward Mordrake (Part 2).

Once again, I’d like to thank everyone who live tweeted with me during the show last night (follow me on Twitter @TheEvaline)!

This is the second part of the Halloween episode and if my complaint for the first part was that it wasn’t scary enough, then that’s even truer for this week’s story. I’m not sure who’s responsible for thinking that the Halloween episode, of all episodes, would be a good time to give us the backstories of as many characters as they could squeeze into an hour, but to that person, “Howdy Doody! YOU RUINED MY HALLOWEEN EPISODE!!!” Not only that, but they took one of the few terrifying characters of the season and completely killed him, killed him dead, literally (spoilers, duh, haven’t you ever read one of these recaps before?) and also figuratively, by humanizing him. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good backstory, but it wasn’t particularly scary. At the very least, I guess I could say it’s still better than the Axe-man.

Edward & Twisty A & A

Some of you were confused about how I could possibly think Edward is attractive and I just have to say that in my defense, if you put aside the sideburns and the dark contact lenses and the fact that, you know, he has a demon face hanging out on the back of his head, there is a very hot man underneath there. Trust me on that one.

Looks aside, Edward is a great character, and there were so many opportunities for him to really stand out, make his mark and even be terrifying, but alas, even with two episodes named after him he was given very little to do, but sit around and listen to people’s dull sob stories, one after the other. After a while, even he started getting impatient, and telling people to stop shitting around and get on with it. And then of course, there’s his demon face, who spent most of the episode scowling like, “Really? You woke me up for this shit?” Which, honestly, I don’t blame him, if I had to be dragged out of eternal rest on Halloween every year to spend my night listening to boring life stories, I’d be perpetually pissed off too. Towards the end of the night, they finally make their way to Elsa, who does manage to tell the best story up until this point and Eddie’s like, “Good enough, let’s just go with this one and call it a night”, but then something magical happened, and that something was Twisty!

That’s right, less than five episodes into the season and endless promotion using Twisty as the AHS Freak Show mascot, we’ve come to the end of the line with our terrifying little friend. In 20 minutes, Twisty’s life story was laid out in front of us. Viewers everywhere collectively went from “Holy Shit! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME! I AM NEVER SLEEPING EVER AGAIN!” to “Aww…he needs a hug, come here, buddy…” all within five minutes of Twisty’s tale. Even Eddie sat there stunned at the end of the story like, “Fuck…that actually was pretty good.” And if it’s any consolation, Eddie chose his soul to add to his collection and off they all went to a better place…I presume.

Dandy A

You get rid of one psycho and out pops another. My notes basically just reads, “Dandy wore a clown suit, threw a fit, killed the maid.” And that pretty much sums up Dandy’s Halloween night. On one hand, the maid had it coming, on the other hand, somebody needed to say those things to Dandy. So who’s to blame? The mom. I blame the mom. In other news RIP, Dora, it was a short run, but at least we knew you better than we knew Meep.

Elsa B

Possibly the only terrifying thing in the episode tonight was Elsa recounting the tale of how she lost her legs. The story of a woman, being drugged and forced to take part in a snuff film was almost good enough to make Eddie claim her soul right than and there, which she basically begged him to do. But unfortunately, Eddie didn’t seem all too enthusiastic about that idea, me thinks he was way too turned off by their initial encounter that the prospect of spending an eternity with that woman’s soul was enough to scare him off. I swear, when she mistook him at first for a Hollywood agent and started going of on a tangent about her wonderful singing and her undeniable star quality he just sat there like:

Jimmy & Maggie D&B+

Oh Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. He might have a good heart, but he’s not the brightest, is he? One thing we could say about Tate, psychotic tendencies and annoying, teenage angst aside, he had enough brains when he needed it.... Jimmy, not so much. Jimmy is like your classic Horror Film D-Bag Character, you know the kind, the guy that makes every single bad decision possible to ensure that his life expectancy is just short enough to keep the film suspenseful. “Oh, there’s a serial killer on the lose? Let’s go on a bike ride in the middle of the night?” “Shit, bike broke down. Let’s hide in the dark in the bushes. We’ll be safe there!” “Fuck…scary clown, I think he’s the killer, rustle the leaves! Seriously whisper and rustle the leaves! I don’t think he can hear us!” “The clown’s preoccupied with somebody! What’s that? We should run? Nah…I’m going to go lend a hand!”

Although he survived the night, and was deemed a hero for saving the kidnapped kids, I really must ask, how is he still alive? Really, with decision-making skills of that caliber, it defies logic that the boy has lasted this long. In other news, I almost thought we’d be able to get through the episode, for the first time since Meep’s death without hearing Jimmy utter his name. Then, at the 40-minute mark, Jimmy did it again. Damn it, Jimmy! Maybe he should give someone else a chance to care about the boy for a change.

Maggie, on the other hand, actually won some stripes with me. Sure, she’s still a con artist and sure, she’s still snobby and prejudiced against “freaks,” but she showed that she could be pretty heroic and brave when she needs to be.