Throwing It All Away.

“The story of our evolution is the story what we leave behind, what we’ve discarded.”

I think residents of Shondaland have accepted that all of the OMG moments on Thursday will be devoted to either Grey’s or Scandal, and never the twain shall meet. Yes, this may not have been the most jaw-dropping episode, yet it served as the proverbial peace pipe, since sexual healing is off the table and all. We haven’t quite unpacked all of the storyline’s from Kepner’s wedding, i.e, Steph and Matthew, but the writers go on all out healing spree, repairing every couple with an extra strength dose of relationship penicillin. It’s a thing, I swear.

Callie and Arizona heal the rift left from the plane crash, Cristina finally faces Shane, and Steph forces Jackson between a gurney and a hard place to get the apology she rightly deserves. We’re also left with some major questions about Owen and Cristina’s relationship with the slated return of Dr. Burke later this season, so lets get to it, shall we?

Arizona

A+

“I’m starting to know who I am again.”

You and me both, sister.

I am sending air high fives to the entire writing staff for not making me endure another Arizona leg plotline… Even though Steph trips her with a gurney, Arizona takes it in stride and retrieves her backup leg from the car. It helps that she’s married to an orthopedic surgeon that can swing by and fit her spare prosthetic leg. My only complaint is that this character arc is about two seasons too late. Finally Arizona and Callie have come to terms with the crash and are actually trying to move past it, rather than brush it under a perfectly place area rug. Seriously, who decorates these sets, Ty Pennington? Her case this week with Callie proved that one can find great strength when you cut your fears off at the knees, which her Medical Mystery of the Week did quite literally.

I finally understand: the writer’s played the long game with this relationship. Early on all of their relationship woes were perfectly knotted up by the end of 43 minutes, but for the last two seasons they’ve gotten the MerDer treatment, aka the long road to happy. I think we the audience can take a collective deep breath and settle into this relationship.

Seriously though, unpack those boxes, Arizona. Turn that house into a home now.

Murphy

FSex is pivotal to the success of this hospital. This institution was built on it, (Webber & Ellis), and you Miss Mousey Brown Hair are not going to stop it. Dr. Ross may kill patients but you kill plotlines with your after-school-special brand of acting. If it comes down to a fight, Callie is going to end your miserable existence. No one likes a snitch, but maybe you can have a career on Orange Is The New Black after this.

Way to blame the wrong party in your lawsuit. I hope Callie teams up with Alicia Florrick from The Good Wife, and sues the scrubs off you for slander.

Alex

B+

“Did I get too close to Wilson? Did an alarm go off somewhere?"

Three days off his peds service after giving the board the proverbial finger? #TotallyWorthIt. He must have been meditating during the Olympics, because his self-awareness is off the charts. He mostly operates on the fire bad, tree good level of consciousness, so this was a huge leap for him to try and protect Jo from this new non-fraternization rule, less she Izzie out and take the express to CrazyTown. In the 26 years I’ve spent on this Earth, I have found that if there is a pill or a piece of paper than can cure your ills, just do it. Seriously Bro, sign the “love contract” and be done with it.

Alex has lost everything, the loves of his life and his father to this hospital, and still he calls this place home. He and Bailey are the only originals without any elevated status, and that needs to change. Arizona needs to fall on her sword over this lawsuit, gracefully leave this hospital, and let Alex head up Peds.

Owen

B+

"Do you want to see me happy or do you want to see me squared away?"

I haven’t given Owen his credit this season. I couldn’t have been less interested in his snore of a relationship with Emma, but the quote above solidifies exactly what’s going on with him and Cristina, especially since we know Dr. Burke (her original love interest) is about to blow back into town. Does Cristina want to be with Owen or does she want him to live happily ever after with someone else... but not too happily. Only time will tell, but I have it on good authority that Owen is going to adopt this week’s Medical Mystery, baby in a box.

Jo

A-She gets major props for apologizing to Steph right off the bat. Last week she called her friend out on filing the sexual harassment case, which made her relationship with Alex illegal, but it turns out that it wasn’t Steph but Murphy that tattled. Coffee in Grey’s Anatomy land is what gets you laid or improves your juju.

I think I speak for everyone when I beg that you don’t freak out when Alex asks you to sign his love contract.

Steph

A+

"I’m not going to feel sad or pitiable or envious for one more minute."

I have to hand it to you girl, you may be down in the dumpster but you literally found the baby that got thrown out with the bathwater… and potentially saved its life.

I think she may have been watching Idle Hands because her subconscious was lashing out and railing her enemies with hospital grade battering rams. I’m not sure if Izzie is helping her out (#GrudgeAgainstCallie) or what, but something’s up. I’m just saying Callie and Arizona may be bringing those ghosts from their murder house into the hospital.

She gets a standing ovation and an A+ for striking Jackson from her mind. She’s the mental version of Hercules, because that cannot be easy.

Jackson

FYou should have called Steph before getting married to clear the air between you two. You could have prevented so much pain, and that’s kind of unforgiveable. Your abs didn’t blind me this time around, so I have to give you the bitter truth.

Medical Mystery of the Week: Baby in a Box

AJo and Steph discover a baby left by the dumpsters while taking a much needed coffee break, to talk about their boy woes. I’ll be the first to admit these girls wouldn’t pass the Bechdel test, but this is a classic case of right place, right time. They immediately rush the infant to Arizona, only to come to find the baby has had several surgeries before. We’ll have to stay tuned, since the case is on-going, but we know that adorable babies at Sloan Grey get snatched up quick. We’re looking at you, Owen.

Derek

“I haven’t seen a blow-off like that since High School.”

Derek, you should always read the fine print when signing your life away. Unbeknownst to him by heading up this government funded brain mapping project, he’s also signing away his patent and privilege to develop his Professor X’s wheelchair technology/ brain sensors. Haven’t you seen Shark Tank? Lori always wants to usurp your patent… For getting played, I had to mark you down this week…

Callie

ARighteous anger suits you. Finally after two seasons, Derek has chosen the one straw that breaks the camel’s back. Frankly, I’m not surprised he bent over on this one. He’s still involved in the project, but he has to leave Callie out in the cold. Remember back when he and Mer were published and America’s favorite intern had to fight to get credit? Yeah… this is Derek’s MO. He may be McDreamy, but he can be a serious McDouche.

If this lawsuit is the reason that Callie goes out, then I am going to start a petition where we send Murphy’s Oil to ABC, because they are going to seriously clean up after I mop the floor with Leah Murphy.

Mer

Pass

"It’s gossip. I’m gossiping."

You would think they were trying to hide a baby bump of Kerry Washington proportions by the shockingly sparse amount of screen time the title character gets. You may be my television spirit animal, but you’re going to have to do a bit more to get a letter grade, rather than a pass fail.