Sister III.

“Just you and me, four walls, no boundaries, no escape.”–Jess
“When you put it like that, it sounds amazing… and like prison.”–Nick

You know what bothers me more than this incessant story line revolving around Jess's renegade sister? More even than the fact that the writers refuse to give us enough back story on Abby Day to make us remotely care about her? It's the sheer lack of creativity in titling the episodes. Sister I, Sister II, and Sister III? Seriously? Did they literally just give up? The only benefit of this naming system is that it gave us some idea as to when it would end.

I'm sorry Newbies, I don't mean to be such a grump, but this show is so not my fave right now. I feel like Schmidt put it best when he said, "This dynamic is very annoying. I'm sure I'm not alone in this."* The heart is there, but something is off. Maybe Abby's unceremonious departure will help things get back to the normal level of charm and hilarity. And now, for the grades...

*Yes, I slightly edited that quote to make it prove my point

Jess

B

“I’m going to need my space from Snora Ephron over here.”–Jess

Jess, you big old flip flopper! You can't bully your sweet, hungry boyfriend into quote unquote moving in with you and then completely freak out and run away. First of all, it's not "moving in together" if you already live in the same effing apartment. If you really want to be a grown up couple and live together, then get your own place that isn't shared with several other humans.

Nick

B+

We learned so much about Nick Miller in this episode. He's comfortable being naked in front of a woman, but not changing in front of her ("When you’re naked, it’s glorious. When you’re changing, you’re hunched over and cowering, like an animal"), he wears a nightgown to bed that he refers to as a 'long shirt', he has the feet of a hippie cult leader (serious, gross, Nick), and he can't resist pantsing Winston at the most inopportune times. Who wouldn't want to share a cell room with this guy?

Schmidt

A-

Perhaps it's fitting that Abby and Schmidt share a sponge, because that's exactly what Schmidt seems to be... a sponge, that is, in case my metaphor wasn't clear. He soaks up the personalities of those around him -- but this works in good and bad ways. As is the case with Abby, it was bad, but when it comes to his friends, it's totally good. Clearly, he's the kind of guy who will do anything for the people he cares about (thank you, Cece, for pointing that out) and sometimes that means signing a three year lease on a storefront in a bad neighborhood for some chick who bails on you to live with her mom and sort her messy life out.

Winston

A

WINSTON'S CRAB WALK WAS THE BEST PART OF THIS ENTIRE EPISODE. Sorry for shouting, I just wanted to make sure everyone knew that. Winston was hilarious this time and even managed to have overcome some of his sad sack tendencies of late. He's getting in shape, he seems to have developed a somewhat healthy relationship with Ferguson the cat, and he's training for the police academy exam. That is, if he can get over his fear of being pantsed on the jungle gym rings thanks to Nick's epic middle school prank.

Cece

A-

“We’re not spying, we’re just carefully watching.” –Cece

For the love of brunch, would Schmece just get back together already?! They're so clearly still crazy for each other and if Cece's feelings weren't obvious before, they certainly are now that she's gone on a mission to prove Abby was just using Schmidt.

Coach

B+

“At least write sorry and put it under the windshield wiper. Hmm, there are none. Maybe put it under the dead bird’s leg?”–Coach

At first, I was a little unsure about where they were going with this whole Coach and Cece becoming BFF girlfriends, but I actually like how honest and friendly they became. Coach would make an excellent gay best friend if he were in fact gay. And we have him to thank for getting Cece to admit (at least to herself) why she was so adamant about protecting Schmidt. Plus, this girl loves his scones.

Abby

CAbby, we hardly knew ye. You are welcome to pop by the loft for the occasional visit or even a fun family-filled Thanksgiving episode complete with Ma and Pa Day (we definitely want more of Jamie Lee Curtis and Rob Reiner), but please don't subject us to "SISTER IV". Good luck at your mom's house. I hope you clean your life up. And what the eff are you going to do with those zippers?

"Sister III"

BFinally the reign of Abby Day is over. I've said it before and I truly mean it, I love Linda Cardellini, I just did not love this character or the way she hijacked the plot. I suppose it was an effective story telling device now that Schmidt's been forced to sublet his new place and move back into the loft, which in turn forces Jess and Nick to actually live together in their tiny room, dirty feet and all.

Extra Credit

• “Schmidt, you’ve got something crazy around your neck.”–Cece... possibly referring to the hideous necklace Abby made, but it did not go unnoticed that she uttered this whilst Abby has her arms draped around Schmidt's neck. Well played, Cece. Well played.
• The fact that Schmidt puts his coffee grounds in a bag so they don’t get the rest of the trash dirty. Amazing.

Demerits

• So um, who made all that amazing looking brunch food?