A few weeks ago, Garfunkel and Oates went all 80’s on us. This week, they threw in just enough 90’s references to evoke nostalgic reverie for those of us who grew up in that glorious era of television perfection known as TGIF. And I use the word perfection only mildly loosely...my not-so-secret childhood obsession with Full House has seamlessly transferred into adulthood and I may or may not be able to recite entire episodes verbatim…so I totally dug Kate’s fictional DJ name!
Now, back in the present day on this very special episode of G&O, our girls tackle two very serious topics: hair color’s effect on how people treat us and the number of exclamation points to include in a Facebook birthday post. Now, I’m not going to argue that one of these issues is more important, but we all know how many times we’ve added and deleted those pesky punctuation marks until we’ve perfected our Facebook wall timeline masterpiece.
Kate A-
It turns out that blond Kate isn’t all that different from brunette Kate. Sure, she strolls with a bit more pep in her step and people definitely treat her better, but at the end of the day, she’s still pretty…adorable. She falls asleep mid-sex (which is WAY more action than she saw as a brunette) and her morning-after excuse of shame is “I warned you it was past my bedtime.” How adorable is that?! I think she's going to get an A for adorable every week.
Riki A-
“I miss being a blond, but mostly because it goes better with my translucent skin.”
Riki may have just solved my translucent skin problem. Would blond hair make me look less glow-in-the-dark? I'm not brave enough to find out, but thankfully, Riki's a bit bolder than I am. And as a brunette, she does a great Kate impression. It’s so great that women open up to her and she lands a sweet guy geek at a bar. But, like her smaller brunette half, she totally fails at getting a lip kiss. And she has a nipple continuity problem while filming a horror movie. In true Hollywood fashion, all of her problems are solved when she rips off the wig to reveal flowing, blond locks after which her nipples are allowed to act however they please. So, although she looked adorbs in that brown bob, she's reverted back to her good ol' blond self and thankfully, we love her that way.
Cheryl B+
We all have a Cheryl in our lives. That “friend” we send birthday wishes to because Mark Zuckerberg guilts us into it. That “friend” whose face we never have a name for. That “friend” who’s just so unmemorable that they fall from our consciousness as soon as we've hit send on that heartless birthday wish. Poor Cheryl. She's so desperate, it’s hard not to like her just a little bit, even if we all know we'll forget her by next week.
Kumail Nanjiani & Jonah Ray A+ & A-
“You made me into an accidental rapist. Now I feel like I have to stop a rape just to get back to zero on the rape scale.”
Kumail and Jonah, AKA the Pet Food Guys. Did their characters have names? I honestly couldn’t tell you, but that’s not really important. What is important is that in the grand scheme of guys the girls have dated, these two weren’t terrible. Yes, they fulfilled a silly male stereotype in treating women a certain way based on their hair colors, but they weren’t particularly mean to our girls like most of the dudes they bring home. These two were actually kind of sweet in a nerdy, synthetic-pet-food-making kind of way. And Kate did fall asleep on under Kumail, so he gets some points for coming out of that with his masculinity (mostly) in check.
"Hair Swap" A-
This episode brought us back to the good old G&O we’ve come to love. Silly humor, a few great one-liners, and a sprinkling of songs that capture the truths of our internet-addicted lives. I mean, really, how many exclamation points are we supposed to put at the end of a birthday post?!
Extra Credit
- DJ Tanner! Why has no DJ used this name?!
- "Am I an asshole or are you just boring?" A question we've all asked at some point. The answer is always the latter of course.
Demerits
- “I don’t know how I’m going to make brown hair sexy.” On behalf of brunettes everywhere, we are not amused, Riki. (Okay, we’re only half amused...)