We Gotta Get Out of This Place.

Grey’s was back in true form last as we saw the return of Catherine Avery, played by the seminal Debbie Allen, with a post-nup in hand. Jackson and Kepner have been on the apology tour of a lifetime, but this may be the most important stop. In all the craziness, these two lovebirds never stopped to consider the most important pre-wedding questions: Where will we live? Do we want kids? Will those kids be pro-choice and support stem cells? You know, the standard stuff. It’s okay, kiddos: Mama Avery is here to help, clipboard in hand.

Kepner begins to heal the rift with her mother-in-law caused by her impromptu wedding, and discovers she’s married into medical royalty. Jackson and Kepner inherit the Avery Foundation and all its assets, Derek and Callie overthrow the government, and Webber falls for the old surprise party gag.

Mrs. Avery

A+

"You could have had grandma’s cake topper."

Is there any better source of conflict than Catherine Avery? That was a rhetorical question, but if you had any other answer than yes, I highly encourage you to rewatch last night’s episode because we were seeing different things. Seattle’s favorite momster-in-law returns to face the new Mr. & Mrs. Avery. And let me just say, conversations like this should happen over dinner and a lot of wine. Not in a boardroom, Debbie.

The hospital has a new mommy, everyone, and all our favorite characters about to get grounded. I hope you all realize that Catherine Avery is as smart as Ellis Grey, and that Catherine loves her foundation as much as Ellis loved surgery. Her philanthropic drive will suit Webber’s new position if I do say so myself. #POWERCOUPLE

The Avery’s have bank, we know this, but we didn’t realize they like actually owned entire banks in Switzerland. 480 million dollars endowment for the advancement of medical sciences? That’s just the Harper Avery foundation? I can’t even imagine what the Avery’s own in personal assets… Jackson and April have compromised everything she spent her life building, which let’s be real, as a woman of color in the early part of last century, she must have WORKED to earn the authority she so easily wields today. I mean, she totally would’ve gotten me to eat Brussels sprouts and attend board meetings as a kid without a single complaint.

Seriously though, someone needed to come in and put these two in their place. It isn’t about the foundation; it’s about family. Their wedding sexploits caused more collateral damage than a literal bomb, for which this hospital was probably better equip, and Mrs. Avery is here to help them pick up the pieces, after a good talking to that is. Speaking of talking, that’s exactly what Kepner and Jackson should be doing between episodes… because it seems like they’ve never met. And Kepner, is being comfortable around livestock some kind of survival thing?

Seriously though, can Mrs. Avery have a powwow with Ross and Jo, STAT. Those two need something serious mothering.

Kepner & Jackson

B- & AThese two got the reality check of a lifetime. Girl, I feel for you. I wanted to take your place in that boardroom, because there are few worse things than getting yelled at by Debbie Allen. That being said, you asked for this. Jackson saved you from a life you were afraid to admit you didn’t want, but you are an intelligent woman, with access to Google. Why don’t you know more about the Avery foundation, Jackson’s role, and why aren’t you trying to get on the board yourself?

Kepner is totally having her Simba moment.

I mean, seriously girlfriend. You practically just became a princess, and it’s time for you to get to know your kingdom. And it all started with her apologizing for not inviting Jackson’s mother… or wait, having any kind of wedding at all.

Jackson, the best husbands listen, and props to you for swallowing your pride and hugging it out with your mom, even if she did lightly slap you. Is it just me or do you think we’ll have another wedding where everyone’s invited? You know the Avery's have some spare tiaras laying around somewhere.

Webber

A-

"The man absorbed his own twin?"

Webber, I am not going to feel sorry for you for a second. You built this hospital, and you’ve put in your time. This is the second time you’re considering retiring... Maybe you could stop doing surgery and continue to manage the interns, because GOD KNOWS that should be someone’s full time job. You can do consults and help run the hospital. Director of the residency program has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Honestly, Webber is the one person who can make this lawsuit go away. It’s telling that Shane was the one to toast him. The one person he’s really championed since Mousey’s death early this season, and not to mention killing Alex’s dad of late.

What better gift is there than a kiss from Catherine Avery? I do have to admit that I’m so pleased everyone actually put together a party. We had our fill of sad Webber early this season, and no one really thought he’d make it to this birthday, so it was kind of important to celebrate.

Sidebar: Why didn’t we see the chief put that absorbed twin’s body in his secret supply closet of medical wonders? I tell you that place is like a much scarier version of the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin.

Meredith

AMer’s 3D printing project is her “family heirloom”, and I understand her hesitance to let someone come in and assist her. Guys, Mer is still trying to prove something to her mother and she wasn’t to be able to do it alone. If she can finish this project, she’ll finally have been able to succeed where her rockstar mother couldn’t. She no longer can compare her growth to Cristina’s, like kids measuring their height on the kitchen’s doorframe. This is her new benchmark for greatness, but she’s failing. Derek and Cristina’s pet projects have moved much further along, gotten government sponsorships, and flashy articles. She’s finally learned to give up some of the control to gain better results.

Edwards

"You want me to watch him read?"

Is that so hard? He’s cute and you’re literally getting paid to do nothing. Granted he may not be as cute as Jackson, but give it some time. He’ll get the Shondaland makeover soon enough. I christen this ship Edric.

Cristina & Shane

B & BThese two are up to some risky business this week. They’re resuming their clinical trial from a few week back, except Cristina still has no idea how she saved baby Nathan but by sheer will. It’s interesting that Cristina requires so much distance now to do her job, and in fact I almost don’t buy it. She’s always been to separate her personal and professional lines, but she’s grown so much in the past few years that her heart does get in her own way now. She’s so obsessed with finding Owen someone else that she can’t even think clearly about what she wants.

Shane, we all want to bend the rules, but you can’t if it compromises the entire clinical trial. A trial that could save countless more lives in the future. Yeah, this is a tough job.

Owen

"Hey, keep me posted on the hearts?"

We haven’t had such a heart-melting moment as when Owen was filling out his online dating profile, and described everything he loved most about Cristina. I don’t even have ovaries, but I think I grew some and then they exploded. If science would allow it, I would totally carry his children (when he finally decides he wants them).

Callie & Derek

A+ & B+

"We overthrew the government today. We’re thirsty."

I am a firm believer that you stand up to the bully, whether it’s one person or an entire government. I don’t believe in punching him like all dads tell you do, but rather outsmarting them and earning their respect. I’m going to give you a pass Derek, because even though this whole thing went to your head a bit, you came back down to Earth when it was needed most.

I have a personal rule that if Callie dances it out (in any capacity) that she must receive an A+ and let’s be honest, she deserved it. Callie is perhaps the most formidable doctor in the hospital. Not only does she grow cartilage from nothing and give TED talks, she will lay some out. I’m not sure whether Derek wavered out of respect or fear… “either way, it works.”

Jo

DThis is totally illogical. You cut people open for a living and you’re afraid of a piece of paper? I have no time for commitment-phobes who don’t know what they want.